...so i touched it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize