btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
