We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
