White coat. Heels.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
