I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
