Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
