dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
