Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
