i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
