I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
