bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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