I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
