does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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