It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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