you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
