When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
