Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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