i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
