I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
