Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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