and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
