In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
