Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We had to coat check the pizza.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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