Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
