you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
