I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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