I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
