you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
