Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
