I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
