if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
