I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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