Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
