Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
