I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Those nachos came to me in a dream
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
