break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
