The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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