her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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