YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
