Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
