Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize