Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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