Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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