Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
