Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
