just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
