I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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