I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
