I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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