my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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