okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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