I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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