all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
