tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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