He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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