watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize