The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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