i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
