dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Damn victory sex feels great
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
