my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
