i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
