I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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