i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
