oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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