New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
